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The Engine Room

by Suns

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1.
Repulse 02:32
Brace yourself, feel repulse, hold it in tightly. In the mirror, we’ll indulge: selfishly, stubbornly, guilty. And I’ll feel nothing on my own. I don’t need your consoling breeze, so just stay away from me.
2.
Crocodile 04:03
In the meadow our jaws meet, fighting infection from spoiled meat. If you prey on me, I will haunt your dreams. Look, there goes the devil and all his love affairs, most cute girls with innocent curls locked in their hair. He chopped with his fingernail, sent them back to mom. In the kitchen she cried all night about what was lost. If you prey on me, I will haunt your dreams. Please don’t stay with me, I am unsteady. There are no amends and it doesn’t make sense. But that’s the way it goes; or I keep getting told. Why don’t you get it? (get it faster.) The simple pleasures, (don’t you touch her). Oh my god, come down.
3.
Struggle 03:13
(I woke up from a lovely dream where the light gracefully picked me up into the sky as all my loved ones waved goodbye) It flies all night high off surprise, waiting for everything. It twitches my eye, dirties my clothes, how many times can I tell myself no? I do care, I’m on time, but your house is dark and I’m scared to drive. The engine can make it, though I don’t know about you. The engine can take it, how about you? Now I’m filled again with thoughts of repent for the ghost in the bookshelf. I do care, I’m on time, but your house is dark and I’m scared to drive. That sound again, a crack in the hinge, don’t you dare hide from me. I woke up from a silly dream where hell was here and I was on my knees, begging for mercy on the kitchen floor, she smiled as she raised up my father’s pitchfork.
4.
Happy Sounds 03:28
To all the lazy days and ghosts inside of memories they flash inside the pan of all my barely sleeping daydreams. Blink, Awake and here I am, the girl with knots holding my hand. I reach to scrape her messy mind, but get caught up on all the twine. If I’m not that young anymore, why do I cling to feelings had so long ago? They weren’t meant to grow. I should’ve known the ceiling would fold. Now I’m rinsing out my eyes. The Dark halls have blurred all sight. I don’t complain about the ghosts in my house, but I seem them all the time. In the reflection of the tv screen, the dark corners of the kitchen, in the guestroom where the sheets are cold, to the garage filling up with smoke. Just think happy thoughts.
5.
Lover, Lover 02:13
Yesterday she stole the keys to a rusty pick up truck, drank and drove till a dog in the road made you lose your way back home. You screamed, you screamed: where is he? You found me teething, drowning in pity puddles you cried for me. Lover, lover, where did you go? Did you lose your way back home, are you wandering again? Lover, lover, where did you go? Did you lose self control? And so she got back in the car. Met her friends at the bar. Trading stale laughs for a stamp that certifies our worth. Lover, lover, where did you go? Did you lose your way back home? Or are you wandering again? Lover, lover, was there snow when you drove off the road, or did you drop your cigarette? Lover, lover, where did you go? When you get back I won’t be home. I hope you’re satisfied again.
6.
I could’ve made time for you I should’ve made time for you I should’ve made time for you I Could’ve made time There’s no time or place When you’re lost in space You ask to come down, Calm down. I woke up filled with haste, Veins all clogged with waste So I lit a flame To the comforter, the blame I pulled out all your teeth To help me fall asleep While you sat in flames While you sat in flames I could’ve made time for you I should’ve made time for you I should’ve made time, I could’ve made time, I should’ve made time for you Waking up lazy and sad Falling asleep lonely and mad Rinse and repeat, Rinse and repeat, Spit your hate onto the street I could’ve made time for you.
7.
There is nothing to yell about anymore. Silent sights on snowy nights keep me at home. I’ll go out for a few, say hello. By the fifth cigarette, we’re all alone. So I go, so I go. To my lady, my sweet dear, she holds me tight. She knows how to slow me down, except at night. I guess that’s why she finally changed her mind. Had a drink, wet her lips and kissed the scythe. Do you feel alive? Alright, alive, all right? I took the test, I tried my best, she said you failed, I said I don’t care. Now to selfish & single adoring, they’re so starving for our story. I’mmmm soooo starrrrving my dahling my babbbbyyy dear,r I’’n so starvng forr allllelee of our drunkeenns tears. Try again. There is steadiness solidified in strides. Please come here, just walk with me, you’ll change your mind. No one has to know, please just enjoy the light. It’s fading faster than you think so make it right. What did I tell you, kid? What did I tell you? What did I tell you, kid? That darkness will hurt your eyes.
8.
Then Sunday came, it began to rain, fog ate your face, melted your taste. Thinking loudly in a place about your sadness and your hate, free in the woods you’d kick and scream about the man who was so mean driving his big black machine into the night, away from you. How the tables twist and turn now I’m the one who’s getting served half cooked fear and beer (smuttynose) for dinner. If it matters much at all, I know you hate that stupid song every time they sing along.
9.
The end is near, steering the wheel. This whole time, I didn’t know that you knew how to drive into a stonewall, off poverty hollow. The classic gap, that was my trap, I could not bridge the distance. I couldn’t bridge the distance. You say, “I want to be as natural as can be, only do things that come naturally.” But you must admit, that sort of sounds like shit. Instincts and wits only throw fits when forced to sit in corners. I couldn’t bridge the distance. Nine songs, nine lullabies, nine ways to say I tried. I’m sorry it’s too loud. I cannot blame you for just being alive so if you’d like I think that I could make some time to sit still and just enjoy being alive, even if without the lights

credits

released April 3, 2012

Suns: Will, Willy, Bill, Peter

-Recorded/Mixed by David Groener Jr. during a long, cold, snowless winter.
-Mastered by Dave Downham @ Gradwell Studios in Haddon Heights, New Jersey

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